There’s nothing quite so romantic as having one’s husband prepare a meal for your enjoyment – great food, served lovingly with the best china, flatware, and even a tablecloth and candles! Does this picture bring warmth to your heart? Fond memories? Well, if you’re in love with an engineer, you’ll need to take drastic measures if this picture is to ever play out in your life again!
“Why”, you ask? Good question!
For you the picture of a well prepared meal done just for you conjures up memories – and these are attached to emotions. The emotional attachment is exactly WHY you remember those events so clearly. It’s also why your engineer can’t seem to remember anything!
Your engineer is in denial of having any emotions – his objective in life is to become the world’s first android. His hero growing up was Spock – not the Dr. Spock who taught a whole generation (the parents of the Baby Boomers) how to ruin their children’s lives, but the Vulcan alien Spock character from Star Trek. Spock, like all Vulcans, didn’t feel emotions, and was never concerned about insignificant human worries such as personal safety. The future engineer idolized characters like that!
If your engineer is in denial about emotions, he is highly unlikely to remember events that to you are highly memorable – like the food you were eating when he proposed. Let’s face it, he remembers THAT he proposed, he most likely remembers WHERE he proposed, he might even remember WHAT he said. But, unless he did something completely outrageous like proposing during a two person bunjee jump, that’s about all that he remembers! What else could be important other than that the two of you were there, he asked, and you said “yes”. The rest is just meaningless fluff!
Which brings us back around to cooking – where we started! Clearly, here at LWYE we have our ADHD mind under control – almost!
You are looking to recreate an experience that meant so much to you in your life. Our point is that it’s difficult for the engineer to recreate the emotional content of an event he never really felt the first time around.
So you have to HELP – and remember that engineers won’t pick up on subtle hints! Remind him of how special he made you feel with the meal he made whenever. He will absolutely die for the opportunity to make you feel that way again! Whether the meal you want recreated was 10 years ago, 10 months ago, or 10 DAYS ago, your approach needs to be the same – as all details about the meal are entirely forgotten in his mind within a few days.
Remind your engineer what he cooked, how the table was set, how he dressed – anything that you want him to replicate. No need to bring any more emotional context to bear on him. He is ecstatic with the idea that something he once did was so wonderful to you that you want him to do it again! Any other emotions might just confuse him!
If he’s never cooked anything for you? Play the jealousy card! “One of the things I always enjoyed before we met was when my boyfriend cooked for me! The time and effort put into making a meal really made me feel special. Would you like to try, if I helped you plan it out?”
Once the meal – or whatever part of the meal that survived the cooking stage still in edible condition – is on the table, then you can start to bring in other emotions. “Wasn’t it romantic when you did …?” or “I think it would be really romantic to do…” are both good ways to do this. There are two major benefits to this approach:
- Your engineer will realize – possibly for the first time – that there are a whole range of emotions you feel about him, not just frustration, irritation, and anger. This will build his self confidence – which is not as high as he’d like the world to believe it is.
- Your engineer will connect the idea that this meal and the effort to present both himself and the food well can cause positive feelings in you. This is the start of him becoming aware that emotional knowledge about you can actually help him live a more enjoyable life! You may even motivate him to want to learn about other ways he can generate such positive feelings in you. Encourage his baby steps! You DO want him to take more steps, don’t you!
Because his emotional development was stopped so early in life, you will want to monitor your engineer to keep him from becoming manipulative with his new-found knowledge – he is used to taking advantage of what he knows, so be warned.
The upside is that getting him to cook for you can be a terrific way to help your engineer become aware of the need to develop his emotional intelligence. Whenever he finds that there’s a hole in his knowledge, your engineer will dedicate himself to filling in that hole. His pride in his brain’s ability to absorb and use new information is his Achilles heel. Take advantage, and reap the rewards!