Having been ridiculed much of his life for his inability to understand the social nuances of any situation involving 3 or more people aged 8 or older, your engineer is truly sensitive to any direct criticism of his intellectual, athletic, or social life-destroying capabilities. He can feel insulted by any comment he understands as a potential affront to his intellect or personality.
The fortunate reality is that your engineer truly doesn’t understand social nuances very well! That’s why he was ridiculed in the first place! He misses most – if not all – of the comments aimed in his direction by people skilled in the use of the language. Let’s face it, if it’s not a pun competition or a dissertation on some vague academic concept, your engineer struggles to keep up! He’s usually blissfully unaware of the insults being hurled his way – so badly so that many people believe engineers are completely insensitive!
Nothing could be further from the truth!
Your engineer stopped developing emotionally at about the level of an 8 year old girl! He feels the pain of an insult tremendously – whether it’s directed at him, or at anyone else! He’s just blissfully unaware of most of the insults going on around him!
Do you want to help him?
Only one word comes to mind – WHY?
This is the same guy who took your “Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?” hint and turned it into “Omigosh, I so need to get her a bathroom scale so she won’t have to worry so much about her weight!” Do you really want to take on this project?
If that isn’t enough to scare you off, here’s the list of “improvements” you will have to help your engineer make…
- Adopt a more mature emotional perspective, including a willingness to admit to actually having emotions.
- Begin to recognize more complex emotions within himself.
- Begin to recognize more emotions in you – other than angry, confused or frustrated as he already knows these ones well! And yes, he should start with you, not just because you matter more to him than anyone else in the world, but because you won’t laugh at his efforts – PLEASE!
- Learn that the words people use can have deeper meanings, and that the real communication is often more subtle.
- Learn how to read the body language of others.
- Start to interpret – to you only – the emotions he sees in other people.
- Learn to control his own body language.
- Start to practice these skills in group settings.
Does this sound like a multi-year project? It sure does to us!
But, maybe you want more than just the most handy lap dog in the neighborhood, and you’re up to this undertaking!
You should feel very successful if he catches half of the hidden meanings in the comments directed his way!
How do we know that he will see this project to completion if you decide to start?
When it comes to you and how you treat him, your engineer is very sensitive!