Engineers – and yours is just a typical one, remember – have a knack for failing to observe things that everyone else sees.
We’re NOT talking sleight of hand or magic tricks here! That would easily be forgivable. It’s how magicians make their money – even if your engineer is the easiest dupe they will ever have the opportunity to stupefy!
No, we’re talking everyday stuff. Things like him commenting about the new blue colored walls – three weeks after you painted them. And exactly how many times has he asked you if one particular outfit which you wear every 3 weeks or so is a brand new outfit?
We can assure you that your engineer is (most likely) not blind! As proof, he can see anything in a tight skirt within 100 yards of his present location. Not that he would do anything about what he sees – continuous put-downs are far too bruising to his fragile ego. But why is his seeing so selective, you ask?
Our subconscious brains can trick us so that we miss seeing things that others might notice. If the subconscious mind thinks that a particular object is not particularly important, it doesn’t bother to pass awareness of the object to the conscious mind, as if the object was never really there. Since your engineer is mostly unconscious while he endures his life, to him the object simply was never there!
If you want your engineer to remember something, it’s not enough that he see it, but he must be made to see the importance of the object. You have two motivational keys to use – pain/pleasure and profit. Most people have 4 motivational keys, adding power and prestige to the mix. Fortunately for him, your engineer considers these other motivators to be useless. He might also consider that they are unachievable, so they no longer motivate him.
How do you use these motivators to make him aware of changes (and of life) going on around him?
Let’s start with the profit motivator – it’s easier. Most engineers are not motivated by wanting to have lots of money, but by the fear of having no money! He dreads being poor more than he aspires to wealth. So the answer here is easy. For example, if he doesn’t remember your which of your outfits might be new, then play a game with him – engineers love games! If he guesses that something you are wearing is new and he’s already guessed that you’ve worn it before, he loses a point. If he doesn’t detect a new outfit the first time you wear it, he loses 3 points. Once he loses 5 points, you buy a new outfit!
It’s practically perfect, with no downside from your perspective. He, on the other hand, can see entire paychecks going up in smoke to fill closets full of outfits that you might only wear once a year! His fear of being poor kicks into high gear! You might actually find him studying in the closet – a bit like cramming for a final exam from his university days!
Pain / pleasure is a more subtle motivator. Your engineer is not good with subtleties, so there is danger in using this motivator!
The big caution here is to never withhold pleasurable things as a punishment. That’s guaranteed to bring out the inner child in your engineer – and not in a good way! We don’t want to go there – please!
The pain part is also tricky. You’re engineer has been his own worst critic for much of his life. You will be hard pressed to make him feel worse on your own. One potential example of punishment would be to “ground” him, so that he misses a night out with his friends. The only negative associated with this is that now he’s home with you all evening! Every silver lining has its cloud! Better make sure the chore list is full, or risk your own sanity instead!
So, LWYE. Can we use pleasure at all?
Yes, as it turns out. It’s his Achilles heel – his true weakness. He wants the pleasures in life – especially because he feels like he’s missed out on so much as a poorly adjusted teenager and university student!
The best news? The biggest pleasure in your engineer’s life is you! (Or was that the worst news – it’s hard for us to remember some times)!
Okay, occasionally he derives great pleasure from someone else – like when his rival for the next promotion at work screws up worse than he did a few weeks ago!
But, for the daily dose of “feel good”, you’re all he wants! New clothes? Show them off with a few of your best moves, and he’ll be fully at attention!
New dishes? Talk about how you could play together with them – for example suggestively feeding each other fresh fruit.
Need to sneak something big into the house? Invite over your flirtatious friend. She knows her limit, so don’t worry! But he hasn’t got a clue! Nobody ever flirts with your engineer! He’ll be completely distracted, and you could change all the furnishings in the house – he would be lost in space! He might be a bit more aggressive later that evening, but… change is good! Right?
Are we saying you should manipulate your engineer to get whatever you want?
Every poker hand can only win when it is played, so you have to play your hand!
As always, you should be grateful for your engineer. Every one of your friends worries about how they can slide new purchases past their husband. You don’t have their problem, now do you?
Finally, be thankful that you didn’t marry an accountant. No matter how bad it might be, your engineer at least has a sense of humor. Smile, and enjoy another day full of wonder.
You are welcome!